The dumbest thing I have ever heard.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled blog post.

Comedian Lewis Black said once that brain aneurysms were actually caused by hearing the dumbest thing you've ever heard. The impossibly dumb thing goes into your ear, penetrates into your brain, and creates an aneurysm.

I expect my aneurysm to strike at any moment, for I have truly heard the dumbest shit ever. Are you ready? Here it comes...

Sex text messaging.

Yeah. That's it. Dumbest thing ever, right there. It strips away everything sexy about sex. It is the lowest form of interaction possible (and that's assuming that the interaction is with another person and not a computer). Even lower than phone sex, which at least give the sound of a human voice, albeit at 4 bucks a minute; even more so than instant messaging or chat rooms, which are at least live, unpaid, perverts... I mean, people.

Text the words "Stupid, desperate, and loaded" to one of these numbers. Betcha it works.

TABC = Totally Asinine Bullshit Commission

Once again, my plans to write an amusing and/or thoughtful blog post were interrupted. But this time, it wasn't because of my own forgetfulness. It was because the TABC did a sting. My boyfriend was arrested. The actual crime? Human error. The charge is selling alcohol to a minor. He spent the night and an unreasonable portion of the next day in jail. I spent the time worrying and trying to find the means to bail him out.

As difficult as it is for me to do so, I do not blame the police for their actions. They are the enforcers, not the writers of the morally repugnant and rationally bankrupt law. My efforts (and there will be significant effort) will be directed at the TABC.

There can be no doubt as to the idiocy and utter lack of efficacy of a law that does not prosecute the wrong-doer. Instead of going after the of-age people that buy alcohol and throw parties for minors, the people that make fake I.D.'s, or the minors that try to fool cashiers, clerks, bartenders and waitstaff into supplying them with alcohol, they have decided to prosecute people like my boyfriend, who would never conscionably supply a minor with alcohol but will make mistakes because they are human. Mistakes of that nature cannot be prosecuted. There needs to be a malicious intent, not a moment of inattention.

One of my plans includes a blog that I and my boyfriend will post on about this subject. I will post updates on our efforts here for the time being.

Resolve.

I've made a lot of New Year's resolutions over the last few years. Nearly all of them were in the same vein as other people's resolutions, like, exercise more, quit smoking, or lose weight (the latter being the most popular resolution according to this and other numerous sources).

This year, I'm going a different route. A possibly, nay probably trite and banal route, but at least more original than previous efforts.

For 2006, I resolve to love myself more.

It couldn't hurt.


Please withhold all self-love comments for the duration. They've been done to death.

Seriously.