The reason Chanukah movies suck*

Okay, given the fact that there is only one Chanukah movie, Eight Crazy Nights with Adam Sandler, I put forth that any other Chanukah movie would still suck just as bad as that one.

The reason that Chanukah movies suck, and would continue to suck in the future, is because it's not a real holiday. It's an excuse holiday. A holiday for Jews that want to prove they can be just as commercialized as Christians are.

The shocking thing is not how many Christians that I have talked to that believe that Chanukah is the most important holiday to Jews. The shocking thing is how many Jews believe it.

For those of you still ignorant - the most important holiday, a.k.a. holy day, in Judaism is Yom Yippur, the day of atonement. No, we don't give presents to anyone. We don't glut ourselves or do anything fun. We repent our sins. Yeah, it's a laugh riot.

Chanukah is the extremely minor holiday that celebrates a night when an olive oil lamp that should have only burned for one night stayed alight for eight nights. There are no presents involved in this story. In my opinion, Jewish parents got sick of hearing their kids talk about the goy kids getting presents, so they complained to their rabbis. Then the rabbis got together and commercialized Chanukah, because it falls closest to Christmas most of the time.

My proof? Chanukah bushes. Heard of them? Yeah. I don't need any more proof.

In any case, I don't think it's possible to get American Jews to give up Chanukah as a holiday. The commercial monster has sunk its teeth into the necks of the chosen people. Oh well. It's better to mess up a minor holiday than a major one anyway.


*My criticism of Eight Crazy Nights does not extend to Mr. Sandler's really quite funny Chanukah songs, which inspired the awful movie. The Hebrew Hammer doesn't count as a Chanukah movie. It's more about Christmas than Chanukah. In any case, it is also really, really funny.

Religious disclaimer: My parents are Christians. I converted to Judaism at 13. Thus, I feel qualified to bag on both religions with equal fervor.

Spell it out.

One of the subjects in the news lately that is near and dear to my heart is that our government is spying on us, and 'Dubya' has okayed it.

Most of the liberal, anti-establishment types, such as myself, have long suspected that this was so. Now we have it straight from the horse's mouth (my apologizes to horse lovers for the comparison).

I could rant and rave on about how evil and wrong this is, but I won't for two reasons:
1. Everyone should know how terrible it is that we're being spied on.
2. It's a defeatist action.

Clearly, there is little to nothing we can do about being listened to and watched. However, there is nothing that says we cannot use this to our advantage. In fact, I would say it is our obligation to make this a positive experience for all concerned.

Now that we know they're listening, let's pick a day, maybe New Year's Day, and get on the phone, or write an e-mail to someone. Our president (and I use the term loosely) has had a portion of his education left out.

Let's instruct Mr. Bush on the proper pronunciation of the word "nuclear" since he seems to have such trouble. Now that he's listening, it's an opportunity I don't think we can waste.